Wednesday, 25 November 2009

Hear no, See no, Speak no...

'When in Rome...'

If you live in a cage with tigers, you'll adapt to your surroundings and in due time, begin to ROAR, it's inevitable.

How do you remain positive, when negativity is what fuels your car on this journey called life!?

It's strange 'cause I genuinely try to get along with everyone, I don't feel we have to necessarily be FRIENDS, BUT common ground is fine with me. This has become one of the HARDEST things to do. Everybody is tryna change, tryna be someone else, tryna get somewhere, tryna be 'that person'. It's like, people's identities change more times than the Google logo. Nobody is exactly the same, we have similarities, we have differences, but which are what bring us and draw us to eachother!? It could be the differences, being enlightened by what others know and have done, that interests you, inspires you to learn and do more, or it could be the similarities, liking them 'cause they like what you like, you two can relate in more ways than one. Who knows. But it's HARD to do now 'cause nobody is being themselves, people put on a facade to fit in and stand out, that you can't even begin to try and tell what kind of person they are. Maybe the world would be a better place if everyone was the same, no!? [sigh]

It's like, a persons personality makes them who they are, why would you wanna change that!? Wouldn't you rather be the BEST you, than a rebore anyone else!? 1st place will ALWAYS remain better than 2nd place, but 2nd place is what your settling for by tryna adapt someone elses characteristics as your own. It's like I say, to avoid contradiction, say nuffin!

I've tried to be the good guy, I've tried to be the bad guy, I've tried to be the inbetween guy. I've tried and I've tried BUT...I can't be anything more than the Andrea guy. LoL. It's who I am, I sit here tryna find ways to describe how and what the Andrea guy is but, I just can't. It's just ME I guess. The way I look, the way I speak, the way I act, the way I walk...It comes naturally and it's when I feel most comfortable.

I've done a lot of bad things and I've tried to right those wrongs, even this week, I apologised to a VERY close friend well EX friend of mine, he claims to have accepted but hey who knows, the least I can do is try 'cause pretendin' I don't care about him when I do is silly, it's affectin' me more than it is him so why lie!? I've been FAKE, I've spoken to people who have REALLY hurt me 'cause I can't BE negative, I can't hold grudges, I can't bare to loose people I once cared for...But tryna hold on and wishin' summink was there when it just REALLY isn't is harder and worse than lettin' go. I tend to adapt peoples problems into my OWN life, disregarding the things that are important to be in my attempt to be that good friend, not realisin' that it's not fair on me and that it's sendin' my life downhill.

Recently it's been like an avalanche, recently I've been doin' a lot of thinkin' and I'm not ashamed to say that recently I've been doin' a lot of cryin'. Though I love my family and friends dearly, I need to prioritise everything. Lately I been thinkin' about sex TOO often for it to be normal, I mean TOOO much! [side eye] It's NOT important, it's NOT where my focus should be but I can't help it...or can I!?

I say [SN1] spare no.1 and par before you get parred and it's an attitude I've been FORCED to take on 'cause of the situations I've been through recently, I'm not like that, I like to smile at EVERYONE and just 'Love Life' negativity but it seems as though no matter how much I try, peoples actions are pushin' me in a direction I don't wanna go in [I'm not a murderer or nought but yeah, LoL] at all. I wish I could turn back the hands of time and do things differently with so many things/people...

1] I woulda stayed friends with him

2] I woulda been more than friends with HIM

3] I woulda never got FaceBook

4] I would DEFO tell her my true feelings from the get go

5] I wish I never lost weight and remained Size 24 life was GOOD then, I just din't know it

6] I wish I told my Dad I love him everyday

ArgH, the list is long, I'm gettin' tired and it's MAD late.

I just wanna enjoy myself, have a good time with good people and smile, thats all. I'm SO easily pleased you could buy me a SpongeBob penny case [from Amazon] for Christmas and I'd love you forever.

I'd rather regret sayin' summink than regret not sayin' it. Friendship is about tolerance, I'm tryna be a better person and nobody is perfect, I'm far from it, but if you care about me in the slightest, you'd stick around and join me on my journey, as I strive towards becomin' that person. As I would do for you and anyone would do for any loved one.

x Love Life & Smile x

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